Blog,  Parenting

Savouring the Moment

A chance comment a fortnight ago has prompted some ponderings.  ‘Tracey’,  a mum of six aged 3-19, and I were admiring my Bass and her youngest.  Tracey shared how she feels so much more relaxed and patient as a mother in her 30s than she did in her 20s.  I agreed, I knew exactly what she meant.
Upon reflection however I’m not certain that age is the reason, I know of new mothers in their 30s who are not experiencing this. Whatever the reason, I have been conscious of this feeling since Jem’s birth two and a half years ago. Although I am blessed with a relaxed personality naturally, there is a larger degree of sang-froid in my mothering of late.

As I have grown as a parent I have learnt to control my reactionary tendencies, I am a far calmer parent now in my later parenting than earlier years. Last week at Church a parishioner approached to admire Bass and shared how  her daughter had marvelled at Bass’ calmness all through the Easter ceremonies, but then she concluded, “He would be calm, he has such a calm mother.”  This is not the first time this has been said to me, a stranger in the supermarket recently said the same, really??!!  Reflecting though I realised I am, I have finally developed into that calmer person I have so longed strived to be. Wow!!:)

Perhaps I am more relaxed due to the confidence I have gained in my mothering
over the years.  Perhaps I have a deeper appreciation
of the precious Gift of our children.  As a former Billings teacher I have always been fully cognisant of the Gift of fertility, deeply appreciative and never taking the Gift of our Blessings for granted.  I have always been consciously aware that childhood is so fleeting; my mother reminds me, strangers in the steet remind me, “these are the best years of your life.”  Many times I have made a concious effort to slow down and savour the moment.  But now I know it is so fleeting, our oldest is 18 this year!  I see the years racing by.  Now it is no longer just a conscious awareness but I have become  intrinsically aware.

Whilst being consciously aware with our eldest to stop and savour the moment, there came a time with our middle children where I was often so busy surviving I didn’t always savour the moment.  Now though, with our younger ones I have a far deeper appreciation, savouring the moment has become intrinsic.  Whilst in reality I’m certain I’m still busy, I just don’t feel busy, I feel an inner sang-froid that contributes to a deeper appreciation of motherhood.  Details that used to take energy and focus just seem no longer so important. Toilet training, when a child begins to speak, whether the children sleep in our bed or not, just all seem so irrelevant, childhood seems so transient. I was sharing my thoughts with PC and he shared he also has been feeling a deeper appreciation and awareness for savouring the moment.

Anyone else experienced this?

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  • Sue Elvis

    Erin, this could have been my post!

    Yes, I am always feeling that I must stop snd enjoy while I can. I have three adult children. Wow! Time passed so very quickly. I don't know where the years went. These days I am always stopping to enjoy and yes, I don't worry about the little things. That anxious quick-to-react mother seems to have disappeared. It's a pity my older children didn't get such a relaxed and calm mother!

    Frequently I am just so overcome with the joy at what I have. Joy… love …God. We are very blessed.

    Thanks for a great post!

  • ccc

    I sure do feel like this! It all goes by so quickly.
    Mothering evolves over the years too. Things that were so important become not so important and vice-versa.My husband and I always say that that had we stopped at two kids we would have never known our potential as parents 🙂

  • Vicky

    Yes, I can relate to this, Erin. When I was younger, I did a lot of acting the perfect mother. I loved the flattering comments about being calm but, inside, I was often gritting my teeth! Now, I agree, it's all about savouring the moment, and the little things don't ruffle me, anymore:)

  • Chareen

    Oh you ladies have said it all so well! I love what CCC said it's so true.

    Vicky I agree when I had my first two I was quiet young and felt the pressure to preform.

    Sue you are so right the time disappears so quickly although when you are in the thick of it it seems to stand still

    I have 3 children. I so wish we had been blessed with more. (and we are still praying for another …)
    My eldest is 18 next month and my youngest just turned six. I have intrinsically (thank you Erin this word so beautifully describes how it is) been enjoying him so much more, and yes feeling so much more relaxed over the details. I don't get as badly bent out of shape over the little things as much as I did with my eldest two!

    I think you hit the nail on the head it's not so much age as how many … or maybe it's a combination of both.

  • blissful_e

    I am not nearly as experienced as a mum as you other ladies, but I am about to have my 4th child in 5 years, and this post is so encouraging!

    Already I can see God's work using my children to smooth my many rough edges.

    The line, "Whilst in reality I'm certain I'm still busy, I just don't feel busy, I feel an inner sang-froid that contributes to a deeper appreciation of motherhood," speaks to me. Although I have streamlined things to the bare minimum, I currently do far more than I ever dreamed, and I look forward to becoming more capable, so it doesn't seem like so much work and where I don't need so much help from my husband.

  • Gae

    DEar Erin,
    I loved talking with you about this the other day too. I am planning to share my responce to our conversation when I can get to it too.
    But I think as I said it is also about fianlly fitting into your skin as a mother, you are where you are so to speak and comfortable to be in that fit so to speak.
    Love Gae

  • Erin

    Exactly we feel so blessed! Wow, so we're not alone in this feeling. I feel a bit guilty my olders didn't get calm.
    I like your husbands insight, I've been thinking about that. Therefore we are much better people thanks to our children! so true.
    I know about the gritting teeth, so happier to be calm inside:)
    Actually maybe you've hit the nail on the head, it is the years of experience! Welcome to my blog:) Praying for your desire for a babe.
    Welcome to my little space in the cyberworld:) You are accomplishing far more than I ever dreamed with 4 in 5yrs. Be happy to accept your husband;s help. I only need mine less as I have children over 10, that's when it eases up a little.
    Look forward to reading your thoughts. Yes confidence is a wonderful thing.

    So amazing you can all relate, I debated sharing these thoughts, didn't know if anyone would be interested, so pleased I did.

  • Tim and Anne

    As the mother of eight, the youngest who is nineteen, I admire you ladies' awareness. I put it down to finally 'getting it' where grace is concerned. It's a bit like the woman, knocking on the neighbour's door, asking for bread, only in this case, it's God knocking at our door, ever so gently…tap, tap, tap: 'slow down,' He says, 'take a break, make a hot drink, put your feet up and watch the children play, share a sunset with them, admire the birds in the early morning dawn, give them a cuddle, let them snuggle when you read a story, take a picnic into the paddock, down by a creek, to the park', etc. The whispering goes on but we often don't hear it, due to the roaring of our busy lives.

    In my autummn years, I look back and wonder who the people were, other than my family, that I gave such credence to. For the most part, many of them have melted away but my children are still here.

    Some of my children, now have their own. It is a chastening thought to realise that the 'unaware' moments or otherwise, that I invested in my children when they were young, is now impacting on my children's children, including the ones yet unborn.

  • Karen @ TRM

    I have 3 children, 5 and under, each a huge blessing. It can be stressful, so I try to be mindful of the moment and just go with the flow. It's nice to hear this becomes natural as the parenting journey continues.

  • FlyFshrGrl

    Being a teacher, myself, I see this in second and third-time + parents. I remember meeting with them with their first child, and how high-strung they were about doing everything right. Now, they are more relaxed and calmer themselves. Visiting from the Rewind.

  • MultipleMum

    I honestly don't know how you do it! Seven kids!!!! I have four and I doubt I will ever reach the happy and contented stage! I feel like a slave half the time and a childcare worker the other! Your post has given me hope 🙂 Thanks for Rewinding x

  • Erin

    Hi Mum

    Great to read your comment, you taught far more than you give credit for; you were the one to teach me; What is more important to clean house or watch children play:){{}}


    Welcome to my blog:) it all become more natural, a bit like an athletes training:)

    Oh true, good reminder.

    I have to confess, I realise the title header is not totally clear, I have nine children. You will get there, truly you are hard in the trenches, the hardest time. when your oldest reaches seven and then nine you will have it far easier than now{{}} A little hard to wait I know{{}}

  • Daisy, Roo and Two

    Oh I absolutely agree. I am 27, and have three children under three. With my first I was always so worried about everything! With the twins, and with my toddler now, I find that I am much more calm and relaxed. And although it is still a conscious effort to stay calm when I am just trying to survive, I find that it's best to ask myself: "In the long run, does this really matter?" and I try to focus on those moments that really DO matter.
    Stopping by from the Weekend Rewind.

  • georgi hampton

    i think this is true even without the context of children – i have learned to 'pick my battles' as my mum used to tell me .. it's amazing how easy it is to be calm when you don't let anything small cause a problem. stopped by from the rewind x

  • Cinnamon

    I have always said that each baby God changes me. That's why I've been given so many babies because I needed LOTS of change 🙂

    Savoring them increases with each passing year.


  • Maxabella

    I definitely feel that perspective has grown along with my children. I'm not the 'calm' mother that I long for, but I certainly surprise myself with calm moments that are important. x

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